Friday, February 8, 2013

Emptied of Me


Warning: this post is going to be allllll over the place.
It's been a really, really rough week. I haven't felt like myself, I've cried more in the past few days than I have in years, people have been commenting that I don't seem okay, and truthfully, I haven't been. The stress of school was overwhelming this week. My plan was to take two 4-credit science courses this semester, but I've come to the conclusion that that plan is impossible, so I dropped one. A lot of stress went away when I made that decision yesterday. However, I made one big discovery.
I have no idea what I want to do with my life.
No. Idea.
That folks, is terrifying. That is the root of my stress. I have no idea what I want to do, at least career-wise. I've known for years that I'd like to serve in missions, but my plan was to go to college (for Nursing) before that. Now? I'm not so sure. Right now? I have no plan and that is scary.
We have a song at camp named the Ketchup Song. Sound silly, I know. But here's how the song goes: I want to be filled with the spirit, I want to be yielded and free. But I can't be filled with the spirit, 'til I'm emptied of me. So pick me up, and take my cap off, and turn my upside down. Take your hand, and whack my backside, and pour me on the ground.
God put the Ketchup song in my head this week to remind me of what he's doing. He is emptying me of my plans. He's emptying me of my selfish, prideful, lying, sinful self. He wants me to be free. He wants me to be filled with his spirit. But first, I need to be poured on the ground.
"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28
God promises to work together for good, to make us more Christ-like, to sanctify us.
He doesn't promise it won't hurt.
He tells us to trust Him.
So here I am. Trying to trust that He has a plan. Deep down, I know there is a plan. A glorious plan that He's had planned out since before I was born. Although it would be nice if I knew it too. But that's where I'm at. If you have the magic Bible verse that says "Sara, go here!" I'd love if you commented with it.. but any encouragement would be very well-loved too. Love you guys. :)

4 comments:

  1. Sara, I'm still trying to figure out what I want to do with my life and I'm 36 years old. I went through a similar situation when I was in college. For years I wanted to be in broadcast or media. I found interest in journalism and photography. I thought traveling the world and reporting news was the life I wanted. Some how I ended up working with the state. I personally see it as a blessing. It may not be much money or the "dream job" but I've been able to spend a lot of time with my son and wife. So, perhaps God wanted this route for me. In other words, let God lead you to the path he wants you to walk.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh, Webbie Webkins! I think I've quoted that song at least twice in my blogs. It's a good one. I've been there - man, I'm STILL there. And talking about not knowing what you want to do. I'm still there too. I don't know if anyone ever completely figures it out. I wish I had some profound advice or scarily accurate Scripture to tell you. I don't. Just know that you're loved and prayed for and that I understand (at least to some degree) what you may be going through. Oh, and, p.s. I love you:)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Sara, I have SO been there. Ask my mom. I'm still there a bit. I made it less than 1 semester before I changed my major. The verse that I absolutely clung to in college was Joshua 1:9 "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go." I didn't know where I was going the same way that Joshua didn't know what lay ahead of him. But God is calling you into a better plan than what you had. And He'll go with you and before you. Life is scary and I totally know where you are. That was me 10 years ago. Oh, and I really like the ketchup song. I've never heard that before.

    ReplyDelete
  4. And I am 54 and still finding my way...(o:
    I used to tell my kids that there is more than one good choice, like watercolor and oil paintings. Both good, but different. As long as we are following God...making choices by staying in His will, I believe He gives us many choices. Have you thought of using a nursing degree on the mission field? I wish I had answers for you.I don't, God does. And I will say a prayer for you every time I visit your blog, which is often. (o:

    ReplyDelete

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...